Stuck in Reverse

When things started getting bad between Jake and I, the first thing I discovered that if Jake found he couldn't go forward he would go backwards. Not just back up a few steps and then be done, he would get under the bit, head between his front legs and run backwards. That horse could move backwards faster than any other horse I have ever been on. I could have loose reins, spurring his sides and clucking to my hearts content and he would only go faster. After he had backed up as far as he desired (typically about 100-200 feet) he would freeze, legs apart, head still down and I could do whatever and he would not move. I soon learned to leave well enough alone because if I started demanding that he move he would explode when he did move.

It was mental shut down at an extreme. Honestly I had no idea how to handle it, or how to prevent it. I know now that I drove him to shutting down. Every time I got frustrated and got rough with him he laid it all out that it was NOT okay. Unfortunately I had people telling me I was wrong, but no one told me how to do it right. People have such a habit of saying when things are wrong, that you're bad and what not. The level of frustration it creates when no one will tell you how to do it right. Obviously there was an issue that started it that needed to be handled, the way I handled it was incorrect and no one seemed to bother telling me that I was wrong. So next time I would try something else to only have everyone again giving me the harsh buzzer signal and "Wrong again!"attitude that would ring in my mind. Nothing worked, and I had little to no help. Any help that people offered either made him pick up NEW bad habits or didn't work in the slightest. I was frustrated, I just wanted to make it work and see progress and all I got was backwards training.

Jake became dangerous with his backing up. He paid no attention to what he was backing into or what he was backing off of. Trail riding became scary, if he got excited I would tighten up on the reins, Jake would only tolerate that for so long before he would be stuck in reverse. Riding near ledges, other horses, pedestrians became scary. It didn't matter if he was in his sliding gag bit, a snaffle or in a halter, he just did it.

Jake coming to a stop at a barrel after I asked for a rate.
Shortly after he backed up halfway across the arena.

It took me probably a year to figure out how to stop the backwards motion. Once again I had to learn that the hard way after another accident. I was at another gymkhana with a mystery event that Jake wasn't familiar with (he likes what he knows) I don't remember the name but there was two barrels about 4 feet apart, you had to go on the outside of both barrels, turn around one (either left or right on your choosing) and go between the two barrels to run home. Well I tried to bring Jake in slow, knowing he would want to go around both barrels and he fought me the whole way down, when I asked him for a rate he threw himself into the bridle (launching forward, throwing his head out), hitting the bit and sliding to a stop. He then balked and wouldn't move. It took me a solid minute (which seemed like an hour) to get him to move, at which case I got him back towards the gate before he started running in reverse. I tried pulling his head up, but he only went faster, then to my fathers horror he was moving faster than his back legs were, lost his balance sat down and then rolled over.

Luckily it was slow enough that I just jumped off and landed on my feet. Also lucky is that he got up this time. Everyone thought I had forced him to backup because I was mad and then pulled him over backwards. I tried to explain a few times that Jake runs backwards on his own accord, everyone was rather closed minded and told me "No horse would back up like that on their own accord". Once again no one wanted to help.

But this became the starting point of retraining. I wasn't going to continue like this, it was dangerous for me, Jake and anyone around us. I finally understood that in its entirety and made the choice to pull back from competing. My trainer (who also saw the incident) was the only person who saw the problem and knew that something had to be done to correct it. She had me start by continuing the show but only at a walk/trot. I continued the showing series for the rest of the year only going at a walk trot to help calm him down.

I found out that turning was the way to get him to stop backing up. Soon as he thought about backing up I would dig an inside heel into his sides and turn his head to disengage his hindquarters, as long as his back legs were crossed he couldn't back up. It took several years to get him to stop thinking about backing up. But the deciding factor came to the point of avoiding frustration. Avoiding the point where he would mentally shut down and back up. That idea came after his backing up turned into rearing, I wish I had figured him out sooner and avoided so much drama. Sadly it took me so long to really understand him.

It became the starting point of me understanding that there was an importance and different between the running balls to the wall crazy, and actually building up to it through training.

The End of the Rope

I don't think, when I was younger, I understood the fear that most people have with horses. Being on horseback from the time I was 6, and with almost no dramatic incidents left me relatively fearless. Sure I had taken a few tumbles. I had never really been hurt. Before Jake I had only fallen off a handful of times. The first time I fell off of a horse I had to of been 4 or 5 years old. I was being led around on a young reining horse when it spooked and bolted. I lasted maybe 8 seconds before I hit the dirt. I remember getting dirt in my eyes and being so mad at the horse that my fear was pushed aside. Just to say that horse got not pets or carrots from me when I was passing them out a few hours later.  After that I tumbled off once while riding bareback when I was 7ish, and once when I lost my stirrups at a gymkhana when I was 8.  Both were on dead calm lesson horses and I was unhurt after both. Then we had Sebastian when I was 12, he managed to buck me off once, and then another time he spooked while I was running home from practicing barrels, he went left I kept going straight. Those falls were scarier then the rest but I was still unhurt. Then I got Jake, and I never really fell off. I was crazy, riding bareback galloping and jumping logs out on trail, but Jake was so honest that he did anything that would make me fall.

The first time Jake really scared me I was about 16 years old. I had owned him for about three years then and we both were a little over out head with the barrel racing. We had been making a little improvement in our times but we were heading down hill with Jake's gate issue. It became all too clear at one show.

I had been begging my mom for years to come and watch me compete. Ever since she had seen me fall in my first show when I was 8, she had been hesitant to come and watch. Finally I convinced her to fly up to my dad's house. She also brought along her two sisters to watch me come and ride. I was ecstatic to have them watch me compete. My mom hadn't seen me ride much at all as I had done most of my riding at my dads. I wanted to show her what a good rider I was.

Well as expectations often go, I was so nervous that Jake and I were not doing so good. I wasn't focusing, he was bonkers and all in all it wasn't doing well. We had three events underway when I was about to go into the arena for the forth event, the previous rider was exiting the ring and I was heading for the gate when the gate person didn't notice me and swung the gate shut. Jake had already been cantering in place, tight as a spring when the gate him him in the face. Not only was the gate all of a sudden closed, it had hit him.  Jake lunged forward, and I immediately pulled his head over into a one rein stop. He kept spinning as fast as he could trying to run somewhere.

Right behind the gate is a huge hedge with a barbwire fence running through it. Jake had gotten his hoof caught in the wire once before and has pulled a shoe so I didn't want him anywhere near it. He spun right up next to it so I released him out of the one rein stop to try and get him away from it. All he saw was a gap in the hedge that he could fit through into a nice big open field. I was staring at the barbwire fence in the middle. Jake took the bit, locked up his neck and charged into the fence. There was nothing I could do as he felt the fence with his chest, recognized it was a barrier and used all of his power to try and jump over it. His front legs got caught in the wire and he flipped over.

Somehow the momentum through me hard enough that I landed a good 10 feet away from where he landed. I instantly had the wind knocked out of me and I saw stars. I instantly started crawling away from the direction I knew Jake was in. I didn't know how close he was and I didn't want to be close when he tried to get up. I stopped and turning around, Jake was on his stomach, still laying down. He was frozen like that before he slowly laid down on his side and stopped moving. I crawled as fast as I could (unable to breath) over to his side, he didn't even move when I touched his side, his eyes were rolled back into his head.

It was then that I could hear the shouting, people were climbing over the fence trying to get to us. My dad was frantically bellowing my name. I managed to cough out an "I'm fine." Though I could say as much about Jake. Even with the people climbing their way through the bush and running around, Jake hadn't moved a muscle. If I had been able to catch my breath I'm pretty sure I would have started crying. Someone told me to hold him down, so I moved to his head and put a knee on his neck. He still had his eyes rolled back, he was breathing heavily, that was the only thing that let me know he was alive.

Someone started checking him over, pulling the barb wire off his legs. They then told me to try and get him up. Everyone stood back as I stood up and clucked, when I got no response I pulled on his tie down to try and tell him to get up. He was a dead weight in my hands. Someone came over and gave him a huge slap to his belly. Jake still didn't move. So everyone started checking him over again, finding more blood on the ground someone said that he might have impaled himself with a rod. My heart dropped, at this point I could get enough breath to start crying. I was thinking, 'this is it....I've killed him.....he is going to die right here in front of me'.

To our luck someone said that they found both rods and that he couldn't have been impaled. The next decision people made was to untack him, we managed to get the saddle and bridle off so he was just in the leg wraps and tie down. After he still hadn't moved, Brie looked him over and noted that his eyes were no longer rolled back, but he still was moving. Then four men (including my father) mover to Jake's back. Brie folded Jake's legs up, the men were going to try and roll Jake onto his stomach and get him up.  Brie and I both grabbed Jake's tie down and as the men rolled Jake onto his stomach Brie and I pulled on his head, while another person smacked Jake's hindquarters with a crop. The combination of everything seemed to bring Jake back to and he jumped to his feet.

Everyone began clapping and I gave him a big hug. Brie looked him over and were found several cuts along his legs and chest, but nothing that was serious enough for him to need stitches. Walking him out he had a noticeable limp on one of his back legs but no swelling or injuries were noted. We ended up having to wander around the property to find the gate to find a way out. My family were all horrified fussing over me but I just wanted to make sure that Jake was okay. We spent a good hour letting him relax at the trailer and dressing his wounds. His back leg ended up cramping and he kept kicking out. We ended up massaging his hindquarters, which stopped the problem. Luckily the vet was also showing that day and said that he would just need time off. So after he was relaxed and not in as much pain we went home, got him some bute and that was it. He ended up being 100% sound again a few days later.

I ended up having a hard time breathing for a few months, but no damage was found at the doctors. That was the first time a little bit of fear was started with horses.  Having watch me fall off 2 out of 2 times  at shows, my mom didn't really watch me ride again for a very long time. I was learning just a little of the world that truly these are large animals that we barely get to control. I also learned that Jake was just at the point where he was out of control and something needed to be done.

Then the Fight Began

Honestly, it doesn't take long to turn a horse into a hot mess. It was probably the end of my first gymkhana series that Jake knew what was going on. He knew that in the morning we would get to the show grounds, enter the arena for a warm up, then any time entering the arena after that would be gallop time. He did get a better understanding of what he was doing in the arena, but we still lacked any sense of finesse to do a good job.

So it started to happen that soon as we would start to walk to the gate after warming up, Jake would shorten his strides, raise his head and fight the bit. He would also flag his tail and lift his knees high and snort. Many non-horsey people would get a kick out of it saying that I looked like I had a parade horse. While horse people just knew to stay out of my way, possibly knowing that I was creating my own time bomb.

With the high level of energy and the lack of a real control, events turned into battles. I would demand control and Jake would be so high on his own need to gallop that our frustrations and fights really started to come into play. I would enter the arena and he would go crazy, trying to bolt, prancing, turning when I was trying to keep him straight, running sideways, tossing his head and over all just barely in control. I would spend the first 20-40 seconds in the arena doing circles trying to get him to listen and calm down. Then the run would begin and I would try to rate around turns, but everything was ignored and our runs were sloppy.



I practiced at home as much as I could (which was once a month), and Jake was improving. He was understanding rating, and really digging in to the turning. He started getting his flying lead changes and really focusing. Yet somehow that never translated into the shows, I was nervous, he was nervous and the shows never yielded better results. The time passed and I grew angry. Angry that I wasn't getting better, angry that Jake would do great at home and would be out of his mind at the shows, angry that everything was a fight. So I started getting rough, jerking on the reins when he didn't want to listen. I didn't know what else to do anymore. I grew up in a place that it was discouraged, but seen at shows. To yank on a horse's mouth when they misbehave. Though as everyone knows, it never helps, and always makes the situation worse. Though luckily most shows have a sportsmanship clause and people get kicked out for rough behavior. I got warned a few times and did my best to kick the habit.

Yet Jake kept getting worse and worse. Soon he would start through temper tantrums, refusing to move, bouncing up and down, running out on the bit. It wasn't a pretty picture.

Though not all of it was bad. Sometimes we would have our moments of brilliance and somehow have a great show where my training at home would really pay off. Jake was fast, and if he turned, well then we would do good with our placing. Though half the time we blew any chances with a temper tantrum or a disqualification. I lived for those moments where we could pull something off. Those people that I talked  to regularly (who probably though was as much of a nutter as my horse) were surprised to figure out that I only got to ride once a month and that Jake only got out when I rode him. It became something I looked up to, that despite the odds we accomplished  something. Though despite that Jake acting up in the arena was going to be the least of our worries.

3 Barrels 2 Hearts....and my dream.

I grew up with horses in an old western town. Well at least old as in the mindset of the people. The nearest walmart is 35 minutes away...the nearest mall is over an hour. Everyone knows each other, and its all a country life style. You have only a few suburb type communities that had gone up over the last two decades. The public park has a lions club, a playground, and a rodeo arena. The rodeo arena gets the most activity. Out there I always saw just as many cows, horses and deer than I saw of people.

So when I wanted to show, there was only one thing that went on that all the girls that rode did. The one thing that was held once a month, and I looked forward to every summer for years.

Barrel Racing.

Middletown Days 2005

Taking my need for speed...with horses and putting it into an event. It was my kind of gig. Plus it was what I had been taking lessons for for many years before I got Jake. It was just natural that I wanted to go into it. At my dad's property I had one old oil drum that I found and began practicing turning around it. I also begged my dad to hook up the trailer and drag me to my trainers for lessons. We weren't good, Jake was hard to work with and I just wanted to go go go. It didn't help that I was the only one that rodeo Jake, and I could only ride Jake when I visited my father, which was a friday through sunday every three weeks. After my parents moved to southern california, I became more than a frequent flyer. Every three weeks I was on an airplane up to northern california, then back down three days later. Within the 8 years that I did this I probably flew well over 500 flights. This traveling was part of who I was. I know my way around an airport, know the protocals, and could even recite the "In the case of an emergency landing there are six exits......" Not many people know that the water that you order comes in an aluminum can. ;) Anyhow, this meant that Jake's training was very very slow and would take months. I never know how he learned anything with three days training and somehow rememeber some of it a month later.

Speed Barrels 2005

It took me a while to convince my father to let me compete in the yearly rodeo, Middletown Days Rodeo and Gymkhana. It was some glorious moment when my father agreed to let me compete in 2005. I was 14 and ready to go. I wish I remembered more of my first few shows. I don't, all I remember was going fast and not doing much turning. He was quick, but we didn't have the foundations down. I didn't care too much I got my adrenaline fix and though that over time we would get it down. I couldn't get through a pole course, Jake overshot everything and I would end up having to trot the course.

I came home with a few ribbons and was so proud of myself and Jake. I had gotten compliments from people around me on my first real show. I didn't care that we weren't doing it perfect or right, I was just happy to be doing it.

Cloverleaf Barrels 2005

The mistake that a fellow participant made was to bring to light that once a month there was a gymkhana at the rodeo grounds for anyone who wanted to come. It was there it started and I turned to my dad with every hope that I could compete every time I visit my father. Truthfully my dream was heading down the dark path of little training, a need for speed and a hot horse. The horse that was still prancing from the high of a gallop out of the arena, the head tossing and the fight for turns were all precursors of what was to come.

Hide the Booze and Run! Its Officer Jake!

My father riding Oliver (Dun/Another Officers horse) on the Left

My father was not only my hero, but one for the city he worked in as well. He became an officer before I was born, and I have several pictures of me riding my fathers work bike or with him in uniform. So after I started getting into horses he started entertaining the idea of becoming part of the city's mounted police unit.   My dad had gotten Sebastian first, as he fit the bill of what the unit was looking for physically, a dark colored, tall, gelding. Sebastian failed the mental part horribly, it was during a training (well they hadn't even gotten into the arena with the items for desensitizing) when he reared up and flipped over on top of my dad. So with Sebastian a no, Jake became the next potential police horse.

He did everything that Sebastian wouldn't, he didn't spook, he would walk through/by anything and never said no. My dad said he was always surprised at the stuff that wouldn't send Jake running for the hills. I have to say they do some intense stuff with those horses. One example is they have to light a fire cracker from horseback, drop it into a barrel and have the horse stand by as the fire cracker went off. Jake would jump but would still stand in place on a loose rein. 

Another exercise was for crowd control. This was always my favorite story. The local swat team would come out, lock arms and get told to do everything they could to not let the horses pass through their line. My dad had laughed while explaining the smug look on their faces, that they had no grasp of the concept that a 1200lb animal was about to come push them out of the way like they were no more then blades of grass. Some horses balked at the line, not wanting to push through the shouting and waving arms of the swat team. My dad he pointed Jake towards the line and gave him his head and Jake plowed through the line like it was nothing. The swat team was knocked off their feet, on guy had the guts to try and grab the reins, and my dad told Jake to turn into the guy and Jake knocked the guy flat on his back. 

Jake did anything and everything. Kids could hang off his ears, he would push through anything, and wouldn't spook. Yet he still failed, why? Even if Jake can hold still for days without fidgeting his hot nature while moving was dangerous. If agitated he would sidestep into a crowd of innocent people and knock them over like the swat team. He could not be trusted to calmly walk forward because he just wanted to run. 

Dad riding Oliver again, Dun, second from left

Several trails were a hassle as Jake carelessly would sidestep off a ledge, prance down sand dune (which caused a fall onto his side) and trip over pebbles. Most horses if you give them a hard enough terrain will focus on their feet and slow down. Not Jake, he keeps doing what ever he wants to do and goes in the direction where he wants to go with no concern towards his own health. How would that horse manage to handle curbs, stairs and concrete? Not well. So Jake flunked out of officers training. It was a short lived dream, but by that time I had enough of a grip on him that I made sure my father would never sell him. In 2006 we got Jessie, a calm foundation quarter horse that managed to work out perfectly for the mounted unit and my father was able to be a part of the unit. 

I Wanted to be Free

Novels played a big part in my dreams. The books of my childhood were that of adventures with horses (surprise, surprise). Some of my favorites was Pony Pals, The Black Stallion Series, and others I can't remember the name of. I always imagined being able to swing up on my nobel steed with no tack and gallop into the sunset. This notion was one that never really left me and got me into some trouble and had my poor father worriedly watching my progress. I always wanted to go faster, more reckless...I wanted to tame the wild beast and be one.

The first step in this process was to get rid of the saddle. Bareback was first on my list. So to properly concern my father, not only did I want to ride farther and farther away from his view on our property, I wanted to take the saddle off as well. So I put Jake in a bridle, climbed onto the fence and hopped on. I started slow. It was such a relief that Jake was round compared to the old, sway-backed ponies I had rode with my instructor. Jake was nice and round...and easy to slide off of. So I took it slow, I would spend laps doing circles around the pasture. I soon learned how to balance without touching Jake with my lower legs, as any contact meant for him to speed up. He was sensitive enough that any slight movement from me would send him off. I learned to be calm with my seat and my legs, to control them by keeping them off his sides while staying balanced.

Though I did progress slow, I never stopped progressing. Soon I started trotting bareback (though I'm 70% sure I skipped to cantering first, Jake was bouncy as heck) then moved up faster and more technical. Soon I found myself lazy and not even wanting to pull out the saddle, so riding bareback became my style. I would trail ride, gallop, and train bareback. I developed a good seat, anything I could do with a saddle I could do without. It came from balance, as I couldn't really grip with my legs.

I recently went to a trainer to work on my own equitation for english and the trainer surprised me by saying that she thought I had a very faulty sense of balance and that if the horse did anything by surprise I would fall off, all because I didn't use my calves when I rode. She said the horse would crow hop and I would be a goner. I didn't say anything but laughed in my head. I have been through some crazy stuff bareback and have never fallen off. I guess thats one thing I have to give credit to Jake, he gave me the confidence to ride bareback and in that I was able to establish a balance not depending on how hard I can grip with my legs. Not that it does any good for my eq, I have many years of removing the habit so I can stop gripping with my knees.

Anyhow, after some time I got tired of hopping on a fence to get on Jake bareback. He learned quick that if he sidestepped away from it I couldn't get on. Doesn't matter what I did he would sidestep two steps with his hindquarters. No amount of gentle reprimands, tough love, and working got him to stop...He would just as calmly move over anyways. Even if I stood with a lunge whip on his opposite side and smacked him till no end to move over. He would look at me in the eye and say "Nope". So I had a change of plans. I had to learn to mount from the ground, like the cowboys just run...and swing up!

So I grabbed a fistful of mane would take a few running steps and LEAP...and then crash into the side of Jake. I spent hours trying hard as I could...days went by and I kept getting closer and closer. Jake was amazing, every day he would stand there as I pretty much ran into his side repeatedly. Though even he couldn't cope with my nonsense forever. I had to of been my 400th try on the third day when I managed to swing one leg over, and was trying to pull myself up when Jake swung his head around and bit me right on my butt. It wasn't hard, didn't even leave a sore spot. But I was so surprised I fell right into the dirt at his feet. He was staring down at me sheepishly, I could just imagine him thinking, "I can't take it anymore sorry." That was the only time Jake ever thought/attempted to bite me. He hasn't made any move since then to even indicate that he was thinking about it. I guess he had enough. (I know I would have too!) Shortly after that I mastered the swing up. It comes in very handy and is a nice way to impress other people. ;-)

I always smile when I think back to all the times I would ride around with no saddle, I went through many pairs of jeans because the dirt would lighten the color of my jeans and wear them down faster. My mother started giving me 'no bareback' pants when we would go shopping for school. I never seemed to mind the dirt butt back then either, walking around stained all down my legs. Yet that is how I grew up running wild and crazy with my wild and crazy horse. 

The only thing constant is Velocity

Horses are always trying to preserve energy. I read that in some book when I was a kid. Most things horses do are an attempt to find comfort and relaxation. Without the influence of a person (In a large pasture/wild setting) horses do not run around working themselves....they eat, maybe buck out a few good feelings and leave it at that. They do not waste all of their energy because they need that energy to run from any potential predators. This has always made perfect logical sense to me.

That being said, when taking Jake into perspective, another connection can be made that Jake does not think like a horse. Whether this is from a nervous flaw that was taught to him by incompetent riders or if he has some neurological issues will never be known. I'm not saying this in a light hearted way. A friend of mine, who studied horse phycology, found him to be quite the case. She explained that he was fearless and had no sense of self-preservation. She showed me a few examples of other horses that had the same mentality. Trainers were frustrated with his lack of common horse sense. A vet-tech told me she would have shot him because of concerns of mental health. 

Now, reading this over some people may think that I'm some crazy suicidal idiot to ride a possibly mental horse. Jake's issues do not stem from any classic symptoms, he never would randomly freak out, never had coordination issues, never acted violent or out of the ordinary. Another one of my friends call it blind dedication. He trusts humans 100% and never doubts where they may lead him. He does not ask why, or say no. He just does. This horse would walk off the edge of a cliff without hesitation, hell he would walk into a burning building if I asked him. He would, and has done things most no other horse would do the first time they were presented with something. 

Jake Jigging at Gymkhana 2008

Another part of it is that Jake is always moving fast. His walk, whether in hand, out in the pasture or in the saddle, is moving. He uses his whole body, when he is going somewhere he is going there with a purpose no lolligaging along the way. When I first got him, if you gave him a loose rein he would keep a constant velocity, always increasing his speed until you shut him down, then it would start over again, just getting faster and faster and faster. It took me a year to teach him to not break gait, at that time he developed a running walk that made TWH owners guessing his breed. He would walk as fast as his body would possibly allow. It was a crack up, and frustrating at the same time. The trot was the same, this horse trotted with the same amount of purpose as his walk. Flipping his toes out extending his stride to his physical capacities. The canter was always the most difficult, there really enough of a difference between the canter and gallop that I could teach Jake to stay at. So it was always a fight to keep him at a decent speed.

As fun as my pedal to the floor horse was it made for horrible group rides. No one could keep up. So there was no socializing for me with other riders unless they trotted while Jake walked. It later created a lot of tension after the fun of having a hot horse wore off. I tried anything and everything to be able to enjoy a casual ride with him. It was nearly impossible when I got him. This is where our problems started, as I became a more and more aggressive rider and my frustration levels rose. Trainers weren't helping, my father wasn't helping.....and no one could find any answers.

I was told once to let him run it out, "let him figure out he's got no where to go and is just wasting his energy" so I got to the public arena when no one was there and did just that I gave him loose rein and swore that I would not be the one slowing him down. He was going to figure this out. After I warmed him up (for I knew the hell ride was coming) I gave him loose rein at a walk. That walk slowly turned into a trot, which slowly turned into a canter, which quickly turned into a batt out of hell gallop. I merely made sure that he rated enough for the turns at the end of the arena and didn't run into the fence. He did lap after lap after lap. His stamina surprised me, it seemed like forever that he was at his top speed, the world flying by when his body started slowing down. His sides were lathered in sweat, I could feel him faltering, it wasn't that he was realizing he had no purpose, his ears were still forward, and his head was bobbing as he fought against his physical limitations. He was still digging into the ground, his muscles were just failing to push as hard. Then he started tripping, glitching in his stride as he no longer had the energy to keep his body going. But he still was galloping, fighting every stride to try and go faster and faster. After almost completely going down and still going, I pulled him up. I realized he wasn't going to stop until he fell. Not till his heart gave out and he couldn't move anymore.

I never did that again. It took me over an hour to cool him out safely. I probably did 20+ laps around the arena hand walking. (Because there was no way to cool him out while you were on his back). I can say that now a lot has changed, in an arena you wouldn't notice his nature as I have figure out how to work with him instead of against him. He still walks faster than most. It has nicely into a working walk that does well for control and collection. Its all a change in how I thought....but it took me 7 years to figure it out. 

The Start of the Journey

Trying to recall this time of owning Jake is a little difficult. It was rather uneventful and not anymore unique than a girl getting to know her horse. Since Sebastian was gone I would ride Jake, cause no way was I going to stop riding. I just was going to get over my distaste for riding him. Honestly it didn't take long, soon I started to enjoy his energy, his fiery personality in the saddle that contrasted his calmness on the ground. He was easily handled on the ground, I could saddle up on my own and there was no worries of him pulling back or spooking. I gained confidence in him while Sebastian had established uncertainty. Jake was predictable, I knew what he was going to do and when.

My father started to take me to the arena for lessons in town and I started Jake on barrels. I wanted to go to rodeos and Gymkhana's. I had wanted to with Sebastian but luckily my fathers common sense over rode mine and he had wormed his way out of me going to shows with him. Jake didn't buck or spook and to my father, was a much more reasonable horse to show. So I started training, working on barrels in the only way I knew how. Occasionally I would get lessons from Helen to help point me in the right direction, but the lessons grew more and more infrequent. I spent more and more of my time cruising around the property at my dads house and starting to explore the trails that were behind. I wasn't even aloud to go far. (My father was very protective, after he watched Sebastian dump me once, and another time I came into the house saying Sebastian had bucked me off and was galloping down the road.)

Jake never said no, he would go through any water and go near anything that could be considered frightening to horse. He would barely flinch if a car back fired on the road or if a tarp flew up off the pile of wood. I believe fully that this horse gave me the confidence that I have today, he gave me a consistent start to true horse owning that I will never forget.



Now none of this was because Jake was well trained. He was far from it. He had no give to the bit, he barely neck reined, he had no other walking speed other than fast, he broke into faster gaits, he pranced and had little to no work with lateral control. He was just bomb-proof that was the only thing he had going for him. That and he was an easy handle on the ground. Somewhere here I fell in love with this horse. When I had been younger and played with friends I always wanted to have fiery, barely controllable horses that pranced and just wanted to run, snorting and I wanted everyone to know I was a great ride because I wasn't afraid. Jake was the one that fit the criteria. He was fiery and intimidating to most people, he was a horse that not everyone could ride and was flashy. He was everything I wanted.

Congratulations you traded a crazy horse....for a crazy horse?

I remember being all excited when my Dad said he had got another horse while picking me up from my mother's house. Dreams of riding through trails with my dad were getting clearer and clearer. I would ride my lanky (I thought beautiful, my dream) ex-race horse while he would ride this new horse. It would be wonderful...so I thought. I was rather blind to my fathers intentions of getting rid of my first horse. I just thought It would be a second horse for me to ride and enjoy. 

Me Riding Sebastian 2003

I have always like extravagant names for horses, Sebastian was suiting enough for my first horse. It was not a common bland name, which I always avoided. I always wanted something regal and flowing, something to put justice to the majestic beast. So when I asked my father what this new horses name was it hit me with rather bad taste.

Jake.

Who the hell names a horse Jake? (No offense for anyone who names their horse Jake...Personal preference) You name your old, cumbersome coonhound Jake. Okay so not a Storm Chaser or Flying Eagle....just Jake. No show name, no nothing. My dad goes to tell the story that an lady had owned Jake for a few years, was intimidated by him and mostly left him to be a pasture pet. She decided he could be put to good use and donated him to the mounted police unit that my father worked at, and my dad had been searching for a police horse after Sebastian had failed to make the cut. So he said he would take him, well the issue is that the Unit could not GIVE anything away, so my father jokingly said "$25" and the Unit said sure, so my father bought Jake for $25 dollars and brought him home. 

Taken within the first 3 months of owning Jake

Despite the bland name I was determined to find this amazing chestnut paint when I got home. What I saw standing next to Sebastain was a fat, stocky, minimal white paint with a crazy huge head that didn't fit his short neck tied to his body. My 13 year old mind was still full of movies of black beauty, the black stallion and national velvet. None of those movies had horses that looked like Jake. Sebastian fit the dream image more. He wasn't up to expectation.

Even though I didn't like the look of him too much I saddled him up as soon as my father would let me, watch my father take him around a few times then got on myself. I didn't like him anymore on than I did off. While Sebastian was nervous, he walked at a normal pace with long strides. Jake used every muscle in his body to walk, where ever he was pointed, he was going with a purpose. His head swung from side to side from the momentum of him walking fast, his whole body was moving from him eating up the ground at a walk. Soon as you tried to slow him up, he would fight it. I didn't like it, the fast gaits, with little breaks unsettled me. I got off and said I wanted to ride Sebastian instead. The entire time we owned both Sebastian and Jake I preferred to ride Sebastian. 

But the truth was that Sebastian had problems, now I can see he was a disaster. He most likely had bad back problems that we had thought they were attitude problems. He bucked when turned in a circle, got me off once and ran down the road before someone caught him and brought him back. Another time he spooked so hard while cantering I flew off again. Then to put the icing on the cake, at a police training Sebastian threw his head, hit my father in the head then reared up and flipped over backwards breaking my fathers leg. He was always lame after any hard work and was lame with no shoes. He pulled back when tied and overall was a bad horse for me as a 12 year old kid and my father as our first horse. As mad as I was that my dad sold Sebastian I am glad he did it now before either of us got more hurt. I later heard that Sebastian sent a girl to the hospital with a concussion after we sold him, before getting sold again. I always wondered where that poor guy ended up.

But my passion for horses would not die down with the sale of my first horse. I now had to settle for the crazy fast walking, barn sour, high energy, run himself into the ground horse that I didn't really want. But it wasn't going to stop me from riding and there is was going to start.

My mother didn't know what she started

I was about three years old when my mother gave me her old Breyer collection. She was passing on her childhood passion, little did she know that this childhood dream would turn into my lifelong passion. I don't think she intended for that happen, yet happen it did. Those poor Breyer's didn't last long before super glue was required to stop my tears from the broken legs from failing to hold my weight. My poor mother had to watch pieces get chipped off and abused as I rode the Breyers around the house.

Some could claim that horses came in my blood. My mother loved horses when she was younger and did some riding where she could. On my father's side of my family my grandmother and aunt both were horse enthusiasts. They both competed in endurance and had their share of horses. My father was raised around his mother's and sister's horses but did really get into them until I did as a way to share my passion. I never got to know my grandmother to well before she passed, I have pictures and stories from family and I wish I had got to know her better. My aunt was my idol. I have clear memories of her riding Jake, a huge smile on her face, as he power housed his way through our property right after we got him.

This was Electron, (I think) I was about 7 years old in this picture.

I managed to find my way onto a horse's back every now and then. My aunt's husband's mother owned two horses. I remember loving the calm old Magic and would have anyone lead me around, loving it. Or my father visiting friends that had horses. In any way I could I would find them, you couldn't drive down a country road without me spotting out all the horses.

Cleaning Electron's Hooves (Lesson Horse)

Then eventually I got into lessons when I was 6, and it kicked off from there. I took lessons when ever I visited my father (my parents divorced when I was one and half), so that was every two weeks. My passion grew and grew, I rode western and got into gaming and rodeo. I only got to ride once every two weeks, so I took a while to become accomplished in any skills, but as I worked my way into confidence I started to get an ego. I could handle anything and everything. I laugh now, knowing how much I didn't know....how good I thought I was. I guess that is a product of any kid in a lesson program. I would always spend extra time at the stables, cleaning and playing around. It was anything my father could do to pull me away. I am ever thankful for Helen allowing me to live in my dream life for that single day every once in a while.

Horses took over my life, I lived breathed and dreamed horses. All drawings were of horses, my thoughts were always on horses, the hoofbeats replaced the sound of my heartbeat, it was all I could do to wait for the next ride. Most people consider this as being bitten by the horse bug. I was bitten with the chronic horse bug, and its never going to go away. I still hear the hoof beats echoing in my mind, I earn for nothing more than open hills and a horse beneath me...to fly over jumps and feel the freedom of a partner that needs no words. Sometimes I hear someone say "Almost every little girl gets bitten by the horse bug, then they grow out of it." I beg to differ and say they never were bitten in the first place. Everyone can get a passion for horses, then grow out of it, just as most girls grow out of princesses and stuffed animals. If you're bit, it becomes you life, you can't live without it. Imagining my life without horses is induces a feeling of chocking and loss of breath, I'm probably past the point of being obsessed, but that isn't going to change. I have my other passions, I love snow boarding I love hanging out with my friends, I love off-roading and driving my car fast. Still, horses are in my soul, and it looks like they are never going to leave.

My first gymkhana, I was on Cinnamon, another lesson horse.

My first parade on my favorite lesson horse

To Share the Experience

As I laid in the arena, watching Jake and Dutchess nap in the sunlight, I stopped to think about the journey I had taken with this horse. I once described it to someone as a roller coaster, it had its ups and downs, and its moments of breath taking fun and the stomach dropping defeat as it spirals faster than you want it to control. As of yet no person has brought me to such extreme emotions as this horse had.

Good morning Beautiful

It was hard to believe that this horse had come from the poorly trained, crazy and unobservant creature, to the one that choose to nap by me instead of with his equine friend. Now to some, this may not be much of an accomplishment. Through the years he had been raised a pastured horse, always preferring his equine company to human, he got up from laying down if anyone got near and always walked away to lay down and roll. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy human company, he was curious enough that he would come over and see what you were doing, check out and items you may have, and may try and grab a drink from your soda. Yet it always came down to the end result, if it was a human or an equine he would always choose the equine. Now I don't expect any horse to choose me over their horse friends. Jake still would prefer to be with his horse friends, but the difference is how he acts around me. The way he perks up when he sees me come into view, how he raises his head with ears forward, how he will leave his friends to walk all the way across the arena to join me, the nickers that he occasionally gives when my car rolls into the stables. Now some people say its food, you feed grain when your there. Well honestly I feed grain at the end of the day, so I'm not too sure how he associates my car to his grain when there is  2-4 hour gap in between. I may be looking into it more than I should, but for the first time in the 8+ years I have owned him I can say that he does enjoy my company. Love is a relative subject when you think of horses to humans. I don't think Jake loves me or that he misses me when I am gone. But it makes me happy to know that he enjoys being around me.

As the elation of my realization of this change sunk in I began to think, we really have a story here. Our partnership hasn't been easy, there have been more fights than accomplishments and I can say that I have been in situations where I could have died on this horse a few times. I am going to be honest, I was a very angry person for a lot of my life and the only being that saw it was Jake, some of it isn't pretty but its time that I have come clean and look towards a new beginning. Are accomplishments are outweighing our fights, and I am no longer the rider that I was. This isn't supposed to be a magical tale of love and winning in the end, its about my change as a person and the change that was brought by a stubborn crazy horse. A horse that my dad got for $25, and a horse that I didn't want.