Stuck in Reverse

When things started getting bad between Jake and I, the first thing I discovered that if Jake found he couldn't go forward he would go backwards. Not just back up a few steps and then be done, he would get under the bit, head between his front legs and run backwards. That horse could move backwards faster than any other horse I have ever been on. I could have loose reins, spurring his sides and clucking to my hearts content and he would only go faster. After he had backed up as far as he desired (typically about 100-200 feet) he would freeze, legs apart, head still down and I could do whatever and he would not move. I soon learned to leave well enough alone because if I started demanding that he move he would explode when he did move.

It was mental shut down at an extreme. Honestly I had no idea how to handle it, or how to prevent it. I know now that I drove him to shutting down. Every time I got frustrated and got rough with him he laid it all out that it was NOT okay. Unfortunately I had people telling me I was wrong, but no one told me how to do it right. People have such a habit of saying when things are wrong, that you're bad and what not. The level of frustration it creates when no one will tell you how to do it right. Obviously there was an issue that started it that needed to be handled, the way I handled it was incorrect and no one seemed to bother telling me that I was wrong. So next time I would try something else to only have everyone again giving me the harsh buzzer signal and "Wrong again!"attitude that would ring in my mind. Nothing worked, and I had little to no help. Any help that people offered either made him pick up NEW bad habits or didn't work in the slightest. I was frustrated, I just wanted to make it work and see progress and all I got was backwards training.

Jake became dangerous with his backing up. He paid no attention to what he was backing into or what he was backing off of. Trail riding became scary, if he got excited I would tighten up on the reins, Jake would only tolerate that for so long before he would be stuck in reverse. Riding near ledges, other horses, pedestrians became scary. It didn't matter if he was in his sliding gag bit, a snaffle or in a halter, he just did it.

Jake coming to a stop at a barrel after I asked for a rate.
Shortly after he backed up halfway across the arena.

It took me probably a year to figure out how to stop the backwards motion. Once again I had to learn that the hard way after another accident. I was at another gymkhana with a mystery event that Jake wasn't familiar with (he likes what he knows) I don't remember the name but there was two barrels about 4 feet apart, you had to go on the outside of both barrels, turn around one (either left or right on your choosing) and go between the two barrels to run home. Well I tried to bring Jake in slow, knowing he would want to go around both barrels and he fought me the whole way down, when I asked him for a rate he threw himself into the bridle (launching forward, throwing his head out), hitting the bit and sliding to a stop. He then balked and wouldn't move. It took me a solid minute (which seemed like an hour) to get him to move, at which case I got him back towards the gate before he started running in reverse. I tried pulling his head up, but he only went faster, then to my fathers horror he was moving faster than his back legs were, lost his balance sat down and then rolled over.

Luckily it was slow enough that I just jumped off and landed on my feet. Also lucky is that he got up this time. Everyone thought I had forced him to backup because I was mad and then pulled him over backwards. I tried to explain a few times that Jake runs backwards on his own accord, everyone was rather closed minded and told me "No horse would back up like that on their own accord". Once again no one wanted to help.

But this became the starting point of retraining. I wasn't going to continue like this, it was dangerous for me, Jake and anyone around us. I finally understood that in its entirety and made the choice to pull back from competing. My trainer (who also saw the incident) was the only person who saw the problem and knew that something had to be done to correct it. She had me start by continuing the show but only at a walk/trot. I continued the showing series for the rest of the year only going at a walk trot to help calm him down.

I found out that turning was the way to get him to stop backing up. Soon as he thought about backing up I would dig an inside heel into his sides and turn his head to disengage his hindquarters, as long as his back legs were crossed he couldn't back up. It took several years to get him to stop thinking about backing up. But the deciding factor came to the point of avoiding frustration. Avoiding the point where he would mentally shut down and back up. That idea came after his backing up turned into rearing, I wish I had figured him out sooner and avoided so much drama. Sadly it took me so long to really understand him.

It became the starting point of me understanding that there was an importance and different between the running balls to the wall crazy, and actually building up to it through training.

The End of the Rope

I don't think, when I was younger, I understood the fear that most people have with horses. Being on horseback from the time I was 6, and with almost no dramatic incidents left me relatively fearless. Sure I had taken a few tumbles. I had never really been hurt. Before Jake I had only fallen off a handful of times. The first time I fell off of a horse I had to of been 4 or 5 years old. I was being led around on a young reining horse when it spooked and bolted. I lasted maybe 8 seconds before I hit the dirt. I remember getting dirt in my eyes and being so mad at the horse that my fear was pushed aside. Just to say that horse got not pets or carrots from me when I was passing them out a few hours later.  After that I tumbled off once while riding bareback when I was 7ish, and once when I lost my stirrups at a gymkhana when I was 8.  Both were on dead calm lesson horses and I was unhurt after both. Then we had Sebastian when I was 12, he managed to buck me off once, and then another time he spooked while I was running home from practicing barrels, he went left I kept going straight. Those falls were scarier then the rest but I was still unhurt. Then I got Jake, and I never really fell off. I was crazy, riding bareback galloping and jumping logs out on trail, but Jake was so honest that he did anything that would make me fall.

The first time Jake really scared me I was about 16 years old. I had owned him for about three years then and we both were a little over out head with the barrel racing. We had been making a little improvement in our times but we were heading down hill with Jake's gate issue. It became all too clear at one show.

I had been begging my mom for years to come and watch me compete. Ever since she had seen me fall in my first show when I was 8, she had been hesitant to come and watch. Finally I convinced her to fly up to my dad's house. She also brought along her two sisters to watch me come and ride. I was ecstatic to have them watch me compete. My mom hadn't seen me ride much at all as I had done most of my riding at my dads. I wanted to show her what a good rider I was.

Well as expectations often go, I was so nervous that Jake and I were not doing so good. I wasn't focusing, he was bonkers and all in all it wasn't doing well. We had three events underway when I was about to go into the arena for the forth event, the previous rider was exiting the ring and I was heading for the gate when the gate person didn't notice me and swung the gate shut. Jake had already been cantering in place, tight as a spring when the gate him him in the face. Not only was the gate all of a sudden closed, it had hit him.  Jake lunged forward, and I immediately pulled his head over into a one rein stop. He kept spinning as fast as he could trying to run somewhere.

Right behind the gate is a huge hedge with a barbwire fence running through it. Jake had gotten his hoof caught in the wire once before and has pulled a shoe so I didn't want him anywhere near it. He spun right up next to it so I released him out of the one rein stop to try and get him away from it. All he saw was a gap in the hedge that he could fit through into a nice big open field. I was staring at the barbwire fence in the middle. Jake took the bit, locked up his neck and charged into the fence. There was nothing I could do as he felt the fence with his chest, recognized it was a barrier and used all of his power to try and jump over it. His front legs got caught in the wire and he flipped over.

Somehow the momentum through me hard enough that I landed a good 10 feet away from where he landed. I instantly had the wind knocked out of me and I saw stars. I instantly started crawling away from the direction I knew Jake was in. I didn't know how close he was and I didn't want to be close when he tried to get up. I stopped and turning around, Jake was on his stomach, still laying down. He was frozen like that before he slowly laid down on his side and stopped moving. I crawled as fast as I could (unable to breath) over to his side, he didn't even move when I touched his side, his eyes were rolled back into his head.

It was then that I could hear the shouting, people were climbing over the fence trying to get to us. My dad was frantically bellowing my name. I managed to cough out an "I'm fine." Though I could say as much about Jake. Even with the people climbing their way through the bush and running around, Jake hadn't moved a muscle. If I had been able to catch my breath I'm pretty sure I would have started crying. Someone told me to hold him down, so I moved to his head and put a knee on his neck. He still had his eyes rolled back, he was breathing heavily, that was the only thing that let me know he was alive.

Someone started checking him over, pulling the barb wire off his legs. They then told me to try and get him up. Everyone stood back as I stood up and clucked, when I got no response I pulled on his tie down to try and tell him to get up. He was a dead weight in my hands. Someone came over and gave him a huge slap to his belly. Jake still didn't move. So everyone started checking him over again, finding more blood on the ground someone said that he might have impaled himself with a rod. My heart dropped, at this point I could get enough breath to start crying. I was thinking, 'this is it....I've killed him.....he is going to die right here in front of me'.

To our luck someone said that they found both rods and that he couldn't have been impaled. The next decision people made was to untack him, we managed to get the saddle and bridle off so he was just in the leg wraps and tie down. After he still hadn't moved, Brie looked him over and noted that his eyes were no longer rolled back, but he still was moving. Then four men (including my father) mover to Jake's back. Brie folded Jake's legs up, the men were going to try and roll Jake onto his stomach and get him up.  Brie and I both grabbed Jake's tie down and as the men rolled Jake onto his stomach Brie and I pulled on his head, while another person smacked Jake's hindquarters with a crop. The combination of everything seemed to bring Jake back to and he jumped to his feet.

Everyone began clapping and I gave him a big hug. Brie looked him over and were found several cuts along his legs and chest, but nothing that was serious enough for him to need stitches. Walking him out he had a noticeable limp on one of his back legs but no swelling or injuries were noted. We ended up having to wander around the property to find the gate to find a way out. My family were all horrified fussing over me but I just wanted to make sure that Jake was okay. We spent a good hour letting him relax at the trailer and dressing his wounds. His back leg ended up cramping and he kept kicking out. We ended up massaging his hindquarters, which stopped the problem. Luckily the vet was also showing that day and said that he would just need time off. So after he was relaxed and not in as much pain we went home, got him some bute and that was it. He ended up being 100% sound again a few days later.

I ended up having a hard time breathing for a few months, but no damage was found at the doctors. That was the first time a little bit of fear was started with horses.  Having watch me fall off 2 out of 2 times  at shows, my mom didn't really watch me ride again for a very long time. I was learning just a little of the world that truly these are large animals that we barely get to control. I also learned that Jake was just at the point where he was out of control and something needed to be done.

Then the Fight Began

Honestly, it doesn't take long to turn a horse into a hot mess. It was probably the end of my first gymkhana series that Jake knew what was going on. He knew that in the morning we would get to the show grounds, enter the arena for a warm up, then any time entering the arena after that would be gallop time. He did get a better understanding of what he was doing in the arena, but we still lacked any sense of finesse to do a good job.

So it started to happen that soon as we would start to walk to the gate after warming up, Jake would shorten his strides, raise his head and fight the bit. He would also flag his tail and lift his knees high and snort. Many non-horsey people would get a kick out of it saying that I looked like I had a parade horse. While horse people just knew to stay out of my way, possibly knowing that I was creating my own time bomb.

With the high level of energy and the lack of a real control, events turned into battles. I would demand control and Jake would be so high on his own need to gallop that our frustrations and fights really started to come into play. I would enter the arena and he would go crazy, trying to bolt, prancing, turning when I was trying to keep him straight, running sideways, tossing his head and over all just barely in control. I would spend the first 20-40 seconds in the arena doing circles trying to get him to listen and calm down. Then the run would begin and I would try to rate around turns, but everything was ignored and our runs were sloppy.



I practiced at home as much as I could (which was once a month), and Jake was improving. He was understanding rating, and really digging in to the turning. He started getting his flying lead changes and really focusing. Yet somehow that never translated into the shows, I was nervous, he was nervous and the shows never yielded better results. The time passed and I grew angry. Angry that I wasn't getting better, angry that Jake would do great at home and would be out of his mind at the shows, angry that everything was a fight. So I started getting rough, jerking on the reins when he didn't want to listen. I didn't know what else to do anymore. I grew up in a place that it was discouraged, but seen at shows. To yank on a horse's mouth when they misbehave. Though as everyone knows, it never helps, and always makes the situation worse. Though luckily most shows have a sportsmanship clause and people get kicked out for rough behavior. I got warned a few times and did my best to kick the habit.

Yet Jake kept getting worse and worse. Soon he would start through temper tantrums, refusing to move, bouncing up and down, running out on the bit. It wasn't a pretty picture.

Though not all of it was bad. Sometimes we would have our moments of brilliance and somehow have a great show where my training at home would really pay off. Jake was fast, and if he turned, well then we would do good with our placing. Though half the time we blew any chances with a temper tantrum or a disqualification. I lived for those moments where we could pull something off. Those people that I talked  to regularly (who probably though was as much of a nutter as my horse) were surprised to figure out that I only got to ride once a month and that Jake only got out when I rode him. It became something I looked up to, that despite the odds we accomplished  something. Though despite that Jake acting up in the arena was going to be the least of our worries.